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Frequently
Asked Questions
1)
What is an F.A.Q.?
It's not a
misspelling of a popular term for fornication. F-A-Q stands
for Frequently Asked Questions.
2) Is
Bizarre New spam? What is spam?
Bizarre News
is NOT spam. You have to subscribe to Bizarre News in
order to receive it. And Spam is the nastiness of pigs and
other bad stuff.
3)
What is Bizarre News?
Bizarre News
is an email publication delivered twice a week to nearly one
million subscribers around the world. It covers the strange,
weird, and bizarre events you won't likely see in your local
newspaper. It is also a book which you can purchase on this
web site. Volume II is currently being sold (take a look to
the right --->).
4)
Will reading Bizarre News make me go blind?
Extensive and
highly inaccurate research studies done on monkeys and TZ
have indicated that reading Bizarre News does NOT
cause blindness (as far as we know).
5)
Will masturbation make me go blind?
Our lawyers
refuse to let us answer this question, and we wish you would
stop writing in and asking us.
6)
Who is this mysterious 'Lewis' character?
Lewis is the
intrepid chronicler and editor of Bizarre News. In
addition to an introductory editorial, you will see Lewis's
personal comments on stories and answers to readers'
questions in every issue.
7) Do
you actually read all of the readers comments?
Lewis does. It's
his favorite part of the day.
8)
Does Lewis sit in his basement all by himself and publish
Bizarre News when he is not surfing the cable channels for
nudity?
No, we have an
office and everything! Bizarre News is part of a
whole network of newsletters called GopherCentral.com that
you can subscribe to for FREE!
9)
Where is the GopherCentral.com headquarters located?
GopherCentral.com is located in an underground bunker sixty
feet beneath the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. ~ Actually,
we're in an innocuous-looking office building in the suburbs
of Chicago, Illinois.
10)
Are the bizarre stories real?
Truth is
stranger than fiction! We strive to take our news only from
reputable sources. Most of it comes directly from the
internet or from our wire service, although we have been
known to go off the beaten path for the really weird stuff.
Of course, the integrity of our editor, Lewis, brooks no
yellow journalism. (zoink!)
11)
Are crop circles really attempts by extra-terrestrials to
communicate with humankind?
Either that or a
bunch of drunk college kids with nothing to do on a Saturday
night.
12)
Can I submit a story?
You betcha! But
unless you can provide us with a source, we probably won't
use it. Sorry, but it takes too many man-hours to track the
material down and half the time it's made up anyway.
13)
Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Ye. . .why?
14)
Do pigs really have 30 minute orgasms?
As far as we
know, yes, although no one but TZ's wife has ever since him
at it.
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