Bizarre News

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Typically, we like to sheer away from stories about deaths
in Bizarre News. There is usually some tragedy involved and
and it’s just not appropriate, unless, of course, it’s some-
thing like this…

The District of Columbia’s Office of Medical Examiner con-
cluded, surprise, surprise, that alcohol was a factor in the
deaths of two men who died aboard a double-decker bus heading
for a Washington Nationals game.

They didn’t die of alcohol poisoning, they didn’t get hit
by the tour bus or even fall off of it. No, the 24-year-old
and the 35-year-old died when their heads hit an overpass
the double-decker was driving under.

How do you get your head in the way of an overpass you ask?
First, you have to be legally drunk, and second, you have
to be standing on the front row seats, in the upper open
deck of a tour bus.

There were 16 other people onboard the bus. None of whom was
injured. The double-decker bus service to the ballpark was
terminated, of course, because you can’t have drunks bouncing
their heads off of overpasses. It’s just not dignified.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+—————- Bizarre Sporting Mishaps —————-+

After beating 1000 rivals in a 500-mile race, Percy the
racing pigeon flopped down exhausted in a Sheffield loft
and was promptly eaten by a cat.

In preparation for the 1992 New York Golden Gloves
Championships, boxer Daniel Caruso psyched himself up by
pounding his gloves into his face. In doing so, he broke
his nose and was disqualified from the match.

While waving to the crowd after finishing fourth in the
500cc US Motor Cycle Championship in 1989, Kevin Magee
fell off the machine and broke his leg.

During a cricket game in Kalgoorlie, Australia, Stan Dawson
was hit by a delivery which ignited a box of matches in
his pocket. As he tried to beat down the flames, he was
tagged out.

Russian athlete Ivanon Vyacheslav was so thrilled to win
a medal at the 1956 Melbourne Olympics that he threw the
medal high into the air. It landed in Lake Wendouree, and
was never found.

***

———– Pet cockatoo’s cries bring police ————

TRENTON, N.J. - Police in a New Jersey city responding to
a call of a woman screaming discovered that the noise was
coming from a pet cockatoo. Passersby thought the sounds
coming from a house in Trenton were those of someone
screaming in terror and thought that they heard the words
“Help me,” WCAU-TV in Philadelphia reported. Police
officers had difficulty getting into the house, which was
also home to a large German shepherd. Once inside, they
found a talking bird named Luna. Luna’s owners face no
charges.

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——– Purse snatcher leaves behind fake breast ———

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Authorities in Port St. Lucie, Fla.,
said a cross-dressing purse snatcher dropped one of his
fake breasts at the scene of the crime. Police said the
74-year-old victim told them the perpetrator, a man dressed
in women’s clothing, pushed her to the ground in the Sears
parking lot and sprinted off with her purse, the Palm Beach
(Fla.) Post reported Thursday. The woman said a water-
filled condom that had been shoved inside of a tube sock
fell out of the attacker’s tube top during the incident
and police spokesman Officer Robert Vega said fingerprint
and DNA tests were performed on the item and a hair stuck
to the tube sock to determine the identity of the suspect.
The victim suffered bruises to her knee, left arm and hand
during the incident. Police said the attacker was seen
getting into a car with three other men who were also
dressed in women’s clothing.

——– Police: Credit card thief uses own name ———-

IOWA CITY, Iowa - Police say an Iowa man accused of credit
card theft forgot who he was supposed to be and allegedly
signed his real name on credit card slips. Kody David
Merrival, 21, of Iowa City, Iowa, was arrested after an
unidentified man told police that his wallet had been
stolen and his credit cards were being used, the Iowa City
Press-Citizen reported Thursday. Police say Merrival
allegedly used the card for his own account at a coffee
house in the city and signed his real name on a slip for
a carton of cigarettes, the Press-Citizen reported. Police
caught up with him when he allegedly tried to make a
purchase at a deli. Merrival, who allegedly confessed to
using the credit card but denied stealing the wallet, has
been charged with an aggravated misdemeanor, the Press-
Trust reported.

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——— Family gets $19,370 cell phone bill ———–

PORTLAND, Ore. - An Oregon family unwittingly racked up a
$19,370 cell phone bill in international charges, they say.
The Terry family’s 200-page AT&T cell phone bill mostly
lists fees for sending e-mail messages and photos, which
are otherwise covered in their unlimited plan, KPTV of
Portland, Ore., reported Thursday. But because a laptop
using an AirCard was used in Canada to send e-mails back
home, fees began to add up. AT&T says the AirCard allows
users to connect to e-mail, the Internet and business
applications while traveling, but international use is not
included in the Terrys’ cell-phone plan. They said they
asked an AT&T employee about the service before their son
left the country. They said they were not warned about
international fees. “(We) have a bill that runs normally
$250 to $300 for our cell phones,” Dave Terry said. “When
AT&T saw the numbers getting over $1,000, I would think
it’s their responsibility to inform us that something was
amiss because that card could have been stolen.”

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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Lewis, I’m not a baseball fan, and I do think the Yankees
went over the line. “God Bless  America” has a patriotic
flavor, but does not require an individual to even stand
for the playing.  Just goes to prove all the rednecks
aren’t south of the Mason-Dixon line. -Connie
[I can't argue with ye there.]

Many people who go on and on about how beating children is
wrong also tend to think discipline is wrong. You can’t
rationally discuss things with children. When you say don’t
run out in front of cars. They have to listen. There is no
discussion. Ditto for do your homework or clean your room.
I have watched MANY inexperienced parents treat their kids
like adults and get burned by it. All that happens is you
get kids who don’t do anything for themselves and blame
everyone else for their problems. Unless you are a member
of the rabid left: these aren’t life skills. -John

getting married in a funeral home…very appropriate, since
after a while that’s where you are gonna wish you were any-
way. -chris
[Let me guess, divorced?]

Lewis, Re: cheerleaders in civilized countries. Sports fans
in countries outside the USA are smart enough to know when
to cheer for their teams without having to be reminded by a
bunch of kids with pompoms! Yours sincerely, Sandy Parkinson
[Sandy, cheerleading is only coincidentally related to sports.
It is really about teenage girls in micro-miniskirts jumping
up and down.]

Hmm, seems to me that there is a difference in beating kids
and spanking… had the parents ’spanked’ the little brat,
likely he wouldn’t be beating his parents. It’s really odd
that young parents today, think that spanking = beating,
and that discipline = abuse. True, some kids will not respond
to anything that you do to make them behave- they have no
respect for the parents. by the time kids are about 10 years
old, there isn’t much you can do if they wont behave.
[Your last point I agree with as well, although I might say a
little later. Once a child reaches puberty personality traits
are pretty much set and corporal discipline is a waste.
Although, beating a snotty teenager can be very satisfying.]